Over the lock down months, I've found myself listening to even more music than I thought was possible. I have artists that I always come back to including Mansun, Sparklehorse and Nirvana and so they're on the playlist. A lot of the artists featured have suffered their own tragedies and traumas, not least Mark Linkous, Kurt Cobain and Avicii, all of whom took their own lives.
I've been close to suicide once or twice, on the edge of a cliff on the Isle of Skye on a holiday with friends. I thought "What if I just jump now? They'd be better off without me..." but then to quote The Smiths 'but then a strange fear gripped me...'
Some of the songs on my list are just joyous: Whitey is a song about a stray cat, and who doesn't love Return of the Mack?
I Can Only Disappoint U by Mansun I jokingly refer to as my theme song. I suffer on and off with depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation, so when I'm suffering the chorus really resonates with me "I can only disappoint u, 'cos I always let you down'. That's how I feel when I'm in a dark place, like I'm a disappointment to my friends and family. The flip side of that though is that I think it's probably one of my favourite songs; I can listen to it when I'm in any mood and it brightens me.
1. Whitey - Jack Lewis
2. Someday I Will Treat You Good - Sparklehorse
3. Return of the Mack - Mark Morrison
4. Rats - Pillow Queens
5. I Can Only Disappoint U - Mansun
6. Pomona - Liam Frost
7. Say So - Doja Cat
8. Waiting For Love - Avicii
9. La ritournelle - Sebastien Tellier
10. Casimir Pulaski Day - Sufjan Stevens
11. Cosmic Love - Florence and the Machine
12. Lounge Act - Nirvana